Ugh, I’m having a rough week. I don’t know where it came from either. Its possible that the massive hangover that resulted from a night out in New York with my sister turned me into a self-loathing, depressed sack of sorry feelings for myself. Its also possible that there is really no reason for me feeling this way at all other than my depressive tendencies and absolute contempt towards my current situation. See? No reason haha. I’m reaching the end of my rope as far as living with family, and have reached a new level of lonely when it comes to lack of friends and male suitors. I desperately want and need to move back to San Diego but have little saved and barely anything coming in. I can’t find a job that will pay me more than $8 an hour. So now I work part-time for $8 an hour. How’s that for an ego boost? All this on my shoulders leaves zero motivation for writing or working on my business. Did I mention that there have been four, 4, not 3 – but FOUR engagements among my facebook friends this week? BOOOOOOOOO.

Like I said, I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself these days and I’m fucking over it. So I woke up this morning pretty determined. I forced myself to get some sort of outfit together – one that DOESN’T involve yoga pants – and dragged myself to Starbucks in an effort to write myself out of this shitty week. Now I’m at Starbucks and I’m glad I kicked myself out of the house, even though the guy sitting next to me is obnoxiously calling everyone he’s ever met on his cell phone.

I’ve written about this before. It just seems like when things are good, all you think about is how you don’t want it to end. And when things aren’t so good, all you think about it how they’re never gonna end. Why is that? And if its okay to feel super happy for no reason, why isn’t it okay to feel bad? Well, I’m here to say that according to me, it is. And whenever I’ve felt yucky before, something amazing comes out of it so what the hey. I’m giving myself a break about it and you should, too. Its wabi-sabi. Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect. Imperfect, impermanent, incomplete. Beautiful but kind of sad. Profound but simple. A natural cycle. And there’s nothing you can do about it but embrace it. Feel whatever you’re feeling. Accept it. The sooner you do the easier it will be to make a change. Put on some make-up. Get out of the house. And keep going. You’ll never find the good stuff if you don’t.