Four years ago on this day I had people to party at my apartment. We drank a lot of Sailor Jerry out of solo cups, laughed, played 52 card pickup, listened to music. Then everyone went home, except for Nello and Mikey. They decided to get in their trunks, run down the pier and swim back to shore.

Four years ago tomorrow, Mikey came by the apartments to see if anyone had seen Nello.

Four years ago Friday, I spent the day walking up and down the beach, kicking through the monster kelp at the shore that winter, sitting on the wall staring at the water crying.

Four years ago on Saturday, Nello’s body washed up on the beach in front of the main tower and was identified by his tattoos.

Four years ago today was the last time I saw my friend Nello. The last time I saw someone I spent time with almost everyday and cared about a lot. The last time I saw someone I thought I would be seeing for a long time. I hope it was the last time I hugged him, but I can’t seem to remember if I gave him one last hug at the end of the night.

And it makes today suck.