After some serious hustling during my training, I have a job lined up for me in Suratthani starting May 1st. As of now, I have accepted it via email, but I still haven’t signed the contract. I am unsure of the job, have never been to Surat Thani, and know that the job doesn’t really satisfy much of my “Thai Dream Job” checklist. But once again, it all comes back to one thing…money. Mother-f-ing MONEY. As in:
If I had more money, I could take more time to find the job that I really want.
If I had more money, I wouldn’t be that worried about a higher salary.
If I had more money, I wouldn’t even have to think about the salary being offered to me, because I would want to save and not need to save while I’m here.
Ughh. One of the major reasons why I wanted to leave San Diegofor a bit was because my financial life (ok fine, my whole life) was (is) a complete mess. I wanted to come work here because the cost of living is so low and there really is great potential for native English speakers to teach. I came here specifically to work and save money, but I find myself feeling like I have no choice but to take the first job that comes my way even if I know its not something I really want. Must start making money. Hello, remember what happened the last time I did that?! Yeah that went so well it caused me to hate 2011 and decide to move to the other side of the world. Why can’t I listen to my gut and just do the thing I know is right for me?
Uncertainty.

I actually have no idea whats going on. I don’t know if I have enough money to last me until I find what I really want. I don’t know if my dream job is even really out there. I don’t know how much it really costs to live here. I don’t know if I will like/love/hate the job that was offered to me. So much uncertainty that I almost have this feeling of haziness about everything. Like I might kinda know what’s going on, but can’t see it clearly. Whatever the feeling is, it is not a good one. I guess I won’t know any of it until I know. One thing that got me this job offer was being confident and committed to my decision to move here. Now it might be the one thing that makes it blow up in my face. I trusted myself enough to get this far and now I have to trust myself to get me just a little bit farther.