I hate being scared, it’s so lame. I don’t like scary movies, and really not into halloween. Those can usually be reduced to acute scariness, and you usually know its coming so I can deal. The worst scary is the slow, understated, chronic scared about not knowing whats really going on, or what is going to happen next. This chronic scary has been creeping up on me lately. I don’t like it, I don’t really know why, but it is definitely there. And it makes me feel like I’m not myself. I think it might have to do with the fact the I had a bit of a rough summer (work sucks, ouch; car accident, worssst; dumped, WTF) and the memories of it all just won’t go away. My poor ego aside, I generally have a good perspective on things and am trying my best to convince myself that the scary will lead to something great? Fear shows up when we are up to big things. I’m a serious sucker for quotes and one of my all time faves is “the things you’re afraid of are usually the most worthwhile.” Great but what if I don’t know what I’m afraid of? Ok, I do know who am I kidding. I know that I am unhappy and need a big change but there are so many what ifs. What if I quit my job and can’t pay rent. What if I tell a guy my real feelings and he doesn’t feel the same way. What if things get worse before they get better? Is it REALLY going to be worth it? I just turned 27 on Friday and my motto for the year is going to be just do it (wait a sec…is that already taken?). Somehow I gotta get back my I can do whatever I want circa my age 22 fearlessness. I fucking did it sounds way cooler than just do it anyways.