I want to move back to San Diego.

I want to walk down Abbott Street, and slowly get closer and closer to the pier. I want stand on the corner for a minute and look at the water, checking out the waves and the tides and the surfers and anyone resting on the wall. I want to wake up in the morning and get a coffee from a place that is run by its owner and doesn’t have any other places or commercials or big money backing it. I want to drink my coffee as I walk down Newport while all the stores are still closed. I want to walk by Hodad’s and see the Bossman sitting in the window waving hi to passersby, or a new guy cleaning the floors or the sidewalk out front.I want to go the farmers market, and buy things from all the people that are working so hard to do the right thing. I want to go to Jimbo’s or Henry’s and not have to search all over to find for food that is good for me. I want to go to the local bar and say hey to everyone there. It doesn’t matter if I know them or not because this isn’t the type of place where that sort of thing matters and most of the people here care about other people and want to say hello. I want to walk down the pier and back again and think about old friends. I want to run hill sprints up and down the streets between Sunset Cliffs and Ebers, and Point Loma Avenue and Newport. I want to ride my bike over the bridge to the boardwalk, and then ride up the boardwalk and maybe get a coffee or frozen yogurt. I want to walk to the beach barefoot at any time of the year. I want to watch the sunset or just sit and watch the water or take a walk or stand by tower five and look at all the puppies.I want the sun on my face and I want palm trees in my back yard. Every day of my life.

How does a person become so mismatched with the environment that created the foundation for who they are? And how do they deal with the consequences? I can’t live here. I need to live somewhere else. But my family lives here. I want to be with my family and my family wants me to be with them. But everything else I need and want is somewhere else, far away.

I want to move back to San Diego.