Wednesday. Humpday. That is definitely what today was. I had zero energy or enthusiasm for anything.  I forced myself to get up with my alarm so I would work out. I felt like I was dragging ass the whole time and probably should’ve just used the time to get some more sleep. Everything seemed twice as hard as it should have been and I didn’t smile nearly enough. I don’t know if it’s the time change and weather change or if I’m just in a funk for seemingly no reason. I placed and order for my special winter supplement dream team of mega strength fish oil, D3 and 5-HTP just in case I need a little extra support. I’ve been trying to get out a new post for weeks. That might have something to do with my blahs. I layered on some hot pink lipstick and fixed up my mascara. I put on my favorite sweater – the pink one with hearts on it that I got for $8 on clearance – and I’m starting to feel better already.

My grandma says, “If it’s pink, buy it.” She is totally on to something there.

I’m not complaining, though. Nope. Not at all. Because once upon a time, I told one of my idols that I would work for him for free. He offered to pay me for it anyways. Now I drive to his house every day and get to know him and his business. Today he gave me a free book. On Monday he gave me king crab for lunch complete with drawn grass-fed butter. I spent 13 hours last Saturday working for our big launch. I know 13 hours of work might not sound fun to you, but I wouldn’t have spent my day any other way.

How do you know you know you’re doing the right thing? When you don’t feel like you should be doing something else.

There was a time when I spent every moment of my day being angry about all the other things I could, should, and would be doing if I wasn’t “stuck” at work. Now the day flies by and I almost can’t believe I get paid for this. From superfan to employee? Yes, please. I had a vision of a time where I would be in this place and have a job that actually made sense. I had pretty much given up hope that it would come in the form of an opportunity like this.

I always imagined I would get my life to the next level. I always knew I would get there somehow. History proved over and over again that I would have to start from scratch and create that type of work experience from the ground up. I thought I was going to have to fight my way against the world to the top, tooth and nail. Instead, it took me a decade to fight tooth and nail to a place where I felt more lost than ever. Once I got there, it took me an hour to make a four minute video that completely changed the game. So maybe fairy tales do exist and dreams do come true…or whatever. Going from zero to hero in three months really is a little bit like a dream. Some moments, I can’t believe this is actually happening. Other moments, it feels like someone made a terrible mistake and there is no possible way that this is right. The rest of the moments are wonderful, though. In the rest of the moments, everything feels like it just fits, as if all the other moments of my life happened in some perfectly organized sequence to get me to this very place.  To think of these odds, to think of where I came from, where I went, what I’ve been through, and where I am now.

It’s one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me. I’m not saying this to brag. I’m saying this to let you know it’s possible. That anything is possible. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I’ve been waiting for something like this to come together for…ev…er. It almost feels like a shortcut or a little weight off. I finally have some proof that maybe, just maybe, I’m actually destined for the things I’ve always felt inside of me. I have some little bit of proof that I’m actually on my path and everything I’ve ever done has happened in the exact way and time that it was supposed to. You know I love to get a little woo-woo up in here.  Here I am, finally existing in the exact type of opportunity that I’ve been looking for. Feeling my core desired feelings. I am finally able to work beside someone who is somewhere I want to be.

But now I have to step up. Now I have to be more determined. More committed. More disciplined. About every thing, every day. This is the only way to move forward faster. I know, I know. This isn’t a race. This isn’t about getting there faster. Actually, none of this even matters. My boss doesn’t give a shit if I’m doing something great for myself. He just wants me to be doing great things for him. They are one in the same, though, aren’t they? And this is about me right now, not anyone else. This is about is having the opportunity and the people and the resources to get me past the plateau that I’ve been sitting on for 3 years. I know this opportunity has changed my life forever. Has that ever happened to you? Something happens and you just know that it is a complete game changer. I can see the next level. It is so close I can touch it. It’s right there. I’m not going to touch it yet, though. Because guess what?

Moving to the next level is scary as fuck. I see this in my life over and over and over again.

Why is it so scary? Abraham Hicks says it best:  I want to feel ready for what I want but I don’t feel ready for what I want.

“If I were ready, it would already be a manifested reality. What do I do to be ready? You stop worrying about not being ready. Accept that you’re always going to be not ready for the next thing that you’re going to hatch.”

Gahhhhhhdammit. Why am I not ready? I could go into the shoulda, coulda shame spiral on this one. Wasted time, poor decisions and too much vodka come to mind. I know what to do. I know what is best for me. I’m just scared to do it for any number of reasons. I’m not sure what other people will think. Sometimes I’m not even sure what I think. Changing yourself and moving into the unknown is terrifying. It’s comfortable being comfortable, right? The worst part is that staying the same is probably even scarier. I feel ready though.

I want to be ready soooo badly. 

I also want to be kind and patient with myself. I’ve decided that when you turn 30 you have to start being nicer to yourself. All this good stuff happened and the rest of it will happen, too. It’s too easy to freak out about the future and beat myself up for all the things I could have done differently or compare my life to everyone else’s or focus on lack instead of gratitude. I don’t want to do those things. I’m done being so hard on myself for right now.

We must be patient while we wait for the perfection of the universal forces. – Abraham Hicks

Patience. We’ve been practicing this one, guys. We can surely be patient for just a little while longer.

photoEventually our ready will match up with the universe’s ready and it will be nothing but magic.

Magic and giggles. I want some giggles there, too.

And if we can be patient with some hot pink lipstick and a sweater with hearts on it, I’d have to say life is pretty good.