It’s raining. I don’t want it to rain. I am bored. I was paid in cash yesterday. For all the days I worked up until yesterday. Yesterday – I think I’ll work that day for free. They should thank me for that, right?

My Dad is in my head trying to talk me out of it. Why did my parents raise me so well? I want to ignore him. I just want to pack. I want to pack everything. The little everything I have left. Put it in my suitcase and leave. I smile thinking about it. I smile so hard. Because if I leave here, I’m not coming back. I can’t come back. I don’t want to come back.

I feel bad for the kids. But not that bad. I care about them, though. But I am selfish and I care about myself more. Kids are resilient. These are also the privileged kind that go to private school. I’m pretty sure they will all be alright, right? They might even be better off without me. With a teacher that wants to be there. I’ll clean the house before I go. I’ll write a note to my roommates. I’ll thank them for putting up with me and wish them the best. They won’t know I’m gone until Monday when they get back from their weekend holidays. Nobody will know until then. I will leave anything that doesn’t fit in my suitcase for them – free of charge. My fan, my bike, the clothes I don’t want anymore. The water jug and bottle of lotion and laundry bag that I don’t want to carry around. I’ll take my sneakers and the hammock and the raincoat and bug spray and the 25,000 baht cash. I’ll use it to find what I’m looking for. I will lock the front door and leave the keys inside so there is no way to change my mind and turn back.

I won’t know where I’m going. Just that I’m going away from here. Maybe I’m running. But I don’t care. I’m going to find a place where I can feel like me again. Where I can find adventure. Where I can feel free and creative and will never get bored.