You know how certain things are supposed to be kept in a cool, dry place within a range of some temperature? I think I’m like that. I should come with a sticker on my ass or something. Store in a bright sunny place between 65 and 90 degrees farenheit. That’s what my label would say if I had one. Seriously, I’m pretty much no good outside of that. I don’t function well if you find me somewhere way below that. Or even if you find me somewhere just outside of that – but I’ve been there for a long period of time. Like…during a Thai hot season. Or a New England winter. Disgusting.

It was pretty cold the last couple of days and I was on the verge of falling right back into a deep depressing hole. The only thing keeping me from jumping into it is knowing a flaky promise that it is warming up. OK, OK. Enough.

Like I mentioned, I’m a little burnt out these days and that makes it pretty difficult to do the things I most want to do. When I go for a run, I feel like I have a freaking bear on my back. Working on my website literally makes my head hurt. Keeping a positive attitude around a negative Nancy is nearly impossible. Trying to see the good when everyone else focuses on the bad is an uphill battle that I just can’t find the energy for. Instead of me being able to bring out the best in others, I feel like I’m letting others bring out the worst in me. I try to catch myself but it is so easy to get caught up and start focusing on all the wrong things. Sometimes it seems easier to do that. Much easier than fighting or defending myself. To be perfectly honest, the latter is completely exhausting me.

My Dad mentioned the other day how good a neighbor’s grill was smelling when he got home from work. Kind of a “summer is coming” comment. My mom said that suffering through winter makes you appreciate that sort of thing so much more. Stuff like grilling smells and the smell of the ocean or a nice day. I didn’t say anything, because I think it makes more sense to live in a place that puts you in the mindset to feel gratitude for those things all the time. You shouldn’t have to suffer through anything. Not more than you have to anyways. Shouldn’t we all be in the business of making our lives as easy as possible? Makes sense to me. And, instead of constantly trying to fight against the attitudes of other people and change them, shouldn’t we just try to find our people? Ones that makes us feel good most of the time and push us to be our best. Those are the kind of people I want in my life. I don’t know if other people just aren’t as aware of their environment or if they are just happy or comfortable feeling this way. I think they are aware but they don’t know that they can leave. I ran into an old friend last night and he was telling me about how much he hates living here, too. I asked him why he doesn’t just leave and he said that he has to stay here to work. He works for his Dad, so that definitely adds a complication. I truly believe that he thinks he can’t leave. Maybe other people are aware but they are just scared? I’m scared, too. But I’m more scared of being miserable than I am of the unknown.

Regardless, I am aware. Extremely aware. And I’m not going to feel bad about being so influenced by my environment. Maybe it is all in my head but guess what? That is my reality. I will never pretend my happiness and well-being isn’t heavily affected by my environment. I’ll also never pretend that there isn’t anything I can do about it. I wish everyone did the same because I feel like the world might be a much happier place.