I want my life to be simple so badly. Easier said than done. But why? Nothing is complicated, really. Things are actually pretty simple most of the time. The only complicated thing is trying to get my brain to realize that things are not complicated. That “its complicated” really means “I’m complicating it.” Or worse, I’m trying to avoid whatever the thing actually is. Its complicated, people! Ok, now complicated doesn’t even sound like a word anymore. So…no more complications. Mission complica-no no I mean complete… mission complete…! Aahhhh!!!
I quit my job and now what? Do I stay in Thailand? Find another job? Try another country? Head back to the states? Rob a bank (so tempting)? I’ve been stressing so freaking hard about every option, wanting so badly to choose the “right” one that it makes me not want to choose any of them at all. Yes, I’m still having money issues and its my own fault and I’m pissed about it. But right now I am “living by the seat of my pants” as my mom called it and it feels pretty good. I plan out a few days and then during those few days, I decide what to do next. No big pressure, no “major” decisions, no complications needed. No worries. The simple life.
Any decision could change everything. So there really isn’t any sense in worrying more about a so-called “big” decision. I get so caught up thinking that things are so final but they aren’t. As if whatever I decide to do is what I’m going to have to do forever. You make a decision and it works or it doesn’t. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, all you have to do is make another decision that changes the decision that you just made. Wow, I just solved my own problem and I don’t even think there was a problem to solve.
So, instead of complicating things this is what I’m going to do. Make the right decision, just by trying to do the right thing. If there is no right thing, or if I don’t know what the right thing is, I’ll do the best thing. If I can’t do the best thing, I’ll do the better thing. And if the better thing can’t be done then I’ll just do whatever I can. Because the only thing worse than doing the wrong thing is not doing anything at all when you need to. It will work out somehow. Simple as that.