There’s been a spider living in my room since the summer. I’m not really afraid of spiders or bugs after my stint in Thailand, so I just let him go on living his life. I’d see him once in a while around the room. On the walls or the ceiling and sometimes on the windows. He was a pretty good roommate – until this morning. I was putting my laundry away when I spotted him crawling around on one of my favorite shirts.
Oh, hell no.
You crossed the line, Spidey. Our unspoken agreement to stay out of each other’s way was totally violated. I could’ve put that shirt on for pete’s sake! Blechhhhhaldskjfalksdjflaksf. You left me no choice but to pull out the vacuum and suck you right out of our shared living space. Best of luck in the dark dirty vacuum bag. I hope you learn from this and have a little more respect for your next roommate’s personal things.
Needless to say, I won’t miss the little guy. It was time to clear him out. I’m trying to clear out lots of stuff. Spidey wasn’t on the original list but it turns out he just had to go. My efforts are more towards clearing mental space, but clearing the physical can’t hurt. My December project is to get better at meditating and manifesting – both of which start with clearing the mind. Thinking about stuff that isn’t important or relevant (or isn’t even reality…I’m looking at you facebook) is a waste of time and energy. All it does it create negative thoughts and blocks to clear thinking. Unfortunately, clearing the mind isn’t easy, quick or pain-free. It takes time to work through issues. Lucky for me, my mind likes to do this late at night when I’m trying to fall asleep. Why is it that when the body wants to sleep the mind wants to pillow talk? Its no help that I’m still in the wrong time zone and can’t sleep until the wee hours of the morning.
It wasn’t planned this way, but dropping facebook has been a huge factor in clearing space. Like I said, it leaves time for me to think about real things and not just social network things. With facebook, its a regular occurrence to think of someone because they show up in a newsfeed or because boredom leads you to the deepest corners of your friend list. But its a completely different feeling when something reminds you of a person or a memory naturally. And its kind of nice to just simply wonder what or how someone is doing without being able to get that information from a facebook stalk. It also allows you to fully complete a thought about that person or that memory without getting distracted right away by something else on their facebook page. Thinking in such an organic way is kinda cool and definitely refreshing. But being more mindful about the who, what and why of your thoughts is hard freaking work. Sometimes its funny. Sometimes its confusing. Sometimes its emotional. Uncomfortable even. But the only way to really clear out the mental space is to work through all the junky thoughts. Unresolved conflicts, situations, past decisions, relationships. Regrets and what-ifs. Worries about the future or things that are out of my control. All these thoughts come out of nowhere when you really want them out. A lot of times we think that we’ve moved forward from something, but really we’re just distracted from it. We didn’t move on, we just covered it up with something else. That’s what I’ve found about myself, anyways. It takes a process of acknowledgement, acceptance and forgiveness to really let go. And even then it can take more work, especially with the major stuff. We think letting go is a one time thing, but for the big hurts we have to choose to let go every single day. Easy? No. Worth it? Only time will tell. But something inside of me wants to say yes.